Sweet Melissa

The other night, I was sick with the flu. I also ate something that had upset my stomach (on top of the flu, because I’m an idiot). We went to pick up some medicine for me, and on the way home, I told him to floor it because I needed to throw up and have explosive diarrhea at the same time. Oh, did I mention that we were visiting his parents at the time? It was splendid.

By the time we got to his parent’s house, I was exploding from both ends. I sprinted to “his” bathroom and decided to take care of the poop first. Well, after taking the shit of a lifetime, I clogged the toilet. Panicking, I grabbed the plunger and tried to unclog the unholy discharge of my bowels. As this is happening, I’m gagging.

The toilet water stopped flowing when it reached the top, and because I wasn’t enough of an idiot already, I thought to myself “hurr derr let’s try to flush the toilet now!” So I flushed. Again.

The water began flowing over the rim of the bowl. My soft, squishy poop was plopping over onto the floor. At this point, I’m freaking out. By “freaking out” I mean my brain has stopped working and I’m laughing like a hyena because the only other option is to cry. Now my fiance is worried because he thought I was throwing up so violently, it sounded like laughter. He knocked on the locked door.

“BaconBlossom…are you ok?” “Honey? I need your advice through the locked door.” “What happened? Just let me in!” “NO”

After much arguing, I open the door. He looks at me standing in an inch of poopy water holding a plunger. He then looks at the bathroom floor with my little poop nuggets clinging happily to every surface. His mouth just dropped open. It was then I started bawling.

“Let me wake up my mom. I can’t find a mop” he struggled between his own gags. “IF YOU LOVE ME, YOU WILL TELL HER IT’S YOUR POOP” “What?” “I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU WANT TO MARRY ME, YOU WILL TAKE THE BLAME FOR THIS AND TELL HER IT’S YOUR POOP”. (Needless to say, I don’t do well under pressure)

He ended up getting some towels and cleaning up my poop off the floor while I threw up in the sink, sobbing, two feet next to him.

So I’m pretty sure this is the worst thing any girl has ever done to him. I’m also pretty sure that if he can clean up my poop off the ground and still want to sleep next to me, he’s a keeper.

TLDR: Poop-pocalypse 2012. Can’t wait to marry this man.

EDIT: I posted this in the what is the worst thing a SO has done to you thread. Just thought it was applicable here too.